I rarely read the morning paper.. but today I did.. and in it was this “letter to the editor”
http://www.theolympian.com/letters/story/148571.html
Here is the beginning it:

The dying shouldn’t have to go alone
Thank you for putting Janice Langbehn’s story of the premature death of her partner Lisa Pond on the front page of The Olympian. It was truly a horror that she and their children were not given the dignity and respect that all loved ones deserve while the person closest to them is dying in the next room.

Lisa Story on HRC

Well I have seen MANY sites carrying our story… for those that want to get the facts straight and my reply to JMH - read further
1. yes Lisa and I had durable powers of attorney or (POA), advance directives and living wills. We did not carry them on me but as soon as I was told I was in an anti gay city and state I had a close friend run to our house, she found them and faxed them immediately.
2. However this didn’t happen until 2hrs after lisa admission to Ryder Trauma as I paced and wanted to at least know what they thought was happening with my partner. Garnett of course is going to deny he said - why would he admit it. But I can show with my cell records that 2hrs after being at ryder I immediately called this friend - now if he didn’t say I was not going to be allowed to make decisions or see lisa and that our children were too young - why would I have the record and the hospital has in their chart all our legal documents.
3. We had already boarded the cruise, we had had lunch 20mins before Lisa collapsed there was no indication at all that she was sick
4. It was only when 2 surgeons meet with me to say there was no brain function - and that she as gone - did they promise I could see her. That is a pastor of some sort appeared and I asked for a priest.. Lisa was a cradle catholic.
5. Lisa always wanted to be an organ donor. I got to decide which organs were donated and which weren’t and that was based on our discussion over the past 18years.
If you have any other questions b/c you read the story on Rosie.com or other links.. feel free to email me at theLPkids@aol.com and I’ll do my best to honest and tell you. Peace janice

Woman: I couldn’t see my dying partner

BY JOAN FLEISCHMAN

STEVE BLOOM/THE OLYMPIAN

During the Capital City Pride 2007 event Sunday Janice Langbehn recounts the agonizing first hours she was not allowed to see Lisa Pond, her partner of 18 years as she lay dying of a brain aneurysm at Miami hospital in early 2007.

A woman from Washington state says a Jackson Memorial Hospital social worker refused to let her see her dying partner and told her Florida is ”an anti-gay state,” according to an article in The Olympian that Rosie O’Donnell posted on rosie.com.

Janice Langbehn says Lisa Pond, her partner for 17 years, suffered a brain aneurysm Feb. 18 on the Norwegian Jewel, shortly before the couple and their three children, then 9 to 13, were to sail from Miami on an R Family Vacations cruise to the Caribbean.

O’Donnell’s partner Kelli co-founded R Family Vacations, which caters to gays and lesbians.

From The Olympian: “Langbehn, a social worker, said officials at . . . [JMH] did not recognize her or their jointly adopted children as part of Pond’s family. They were not allowed to be with her . . . and Langbehn’s authority to make decisions for Pond was not recognized . . .

“Even after a friend in Olympia faxed the legal documents that showed that Pond had authorized Langbehn to make medical decisions for her, Langbehn said she wasn’t invited to be with her partner or told anything about her condition. She said she wasn’t allowed to see Pond again until a priest arrived to give . . . Last Rites.”

Pond, 39, a special ed teacher’s assistant, died Feb. 19. The story hit the news Monday, after Langbehn recounted the incident Sunday at a gay pride festival in Olympia.

Washington ”is one of a half-dozen states to recognize same-sex partnerships in some fashion, Florida is not,” the article adds.

Langbehn told The Miami Herald the social worker’s name — Garnett Frederick.

Frederick, 54, ‘’strongly denies making the comments,” says JMH’s VP of public relations, Robert Alonso. Alonso says Pond was at Ryder Trauma Center, where doctors delivered ”immediate emergency clinical interventions.” That accounts for any delay in Langbehn seeing Pond, Alonso says. “We have a very liberal visitation policy. As soon as it’s humanly possible and appropriate to bring in visitors, we do.”

Langbehn, 38, says JMH did an about-face hours later when she said Pond had wanted to be an organ donor. ”They finally started talking to me.” Pond’s heart, liver and kidneys were used in transplants, Langbehn says.

Insists Langbehn: ‘It happened. He said it. It’s not that I want anyone to get in trouble. I want couples to be able to hold their dying partners’ hands. That is what was taken away from me. I didn’t get to say goodbye, and neither did our kids.”

Frederick, who has a doctorate in social welfare from Florida International University, has worked at Jackson for 16 years and has been honored for his work. Frederick’s supervisor calls him a ‘’strong patient advocate, experienced and extremely compassionate,” Alonso says.

Langbehn says she complained to Jackson through its website but never heard back. Alonso says the hospital will try to track her complaint.

Jackson ‘’strives to treat all patients and their families with respect and dignity,” Alonso says. “We have an extremely diverse work force serving an extremely diverse community.”

Langbehn says R Family Vacations immediately refunded the $6,300 for the missed cruise, and Rosie and Kelli sent flowers for Pond’s memorial Mass. From Rosie’s Feb. 22 unpunctuated e-mail to Langbehn: “i am so sad about the hospital not allowing u to b together i should not b shocked but i am over and over again how we r treated in the USA unreal.”

Kelli invited Langbehn and her kids to go on a free, weeklong cruise in July. Rosie will first put them up at the Shoreham in New York and treat them to dinner and the Broadway show Wicked. Langbehn writes about it on her website, thelpkids.com.

June 20th, 2007 — thelpkids

Opened the Olympian today and the kids and I made the front page.  Great pic.  Here is the link… http://www.theolympian.com/news/story/138169.html  have no idea how long it will be up on their site.. but it ran today 4/18/07  fitting isn’t it?  

Lacey woman shares tale of denial at bedside of her dying partner

Venice Buhain
The Olympian
OLYMPIA — Four months ago, Lacey resident Janice Langbehn, her partner Lisa Pond and their children Katie, David and Danielle, ages 10 to 13, were set for a relaxing cruise from Miami to the Bahamas.

 But Pond, Langbehn’s partner for nearly 18 years, was stricken in Miami with a brain aneurysm and died. The family says the way they were treated by hospital staff compounded their shock and grief.

Langbehn, a social worker, said officials at the University of Miami, Jackson Memorial Hospital did not recognize her or their jointly adopted children as part of Pond’s family. They were not allowed to be with her in the emergency room, and Langbehn’s authority to make decisions for Pond was not recognized.

“We never set out to change the world or change how others accept gay families,” Langbehn told the crowd at the Capital City Pride on Sunday. “We just wanted to be allowed to live equally and raise our children by giving them all the same opportunities their peers have.”

While Washington is one of a half-dozen states to recognize same-sex partnerships in some fashion, Florida is not.

Compelled to speak out

Langbehn said that the pain from losing Pond is still fresh, but she spoke at the gay pride event Sunday because the issue of legal recognition of homosexual families was too important to let go.

“I want people to be able to hold their partner’s hand in their moment of death,” she said.

Pond suffered the aneurysm just before the R Family Vacations cruise ship left Miami for the Bahamas in February, Langbehn said. After Pond was taken to the emergency room, Langbehn said she was informed by a social worker that they were in an “anti-gay state” and that they needed legal paperwork before Langbehn could see Pond.

Even after a friend in Olympia faxed the legal documents that showed that Pond had authorized Langbehn to make medical decisions for her, Langbehn said she wasn’t invited to be with her partner or told anything about her condition.

She said she wasn’t allowed to see Pond again until a priest arrived to give Pond the Anointing of the Sick, also commonly known as Last Rites.

“I was shocked. It never would have been on my radar that we wouldn’t be allowed to say goodbye,” Langbehn said. “When I was an emergency room social worker at Mary Bridge (Children’s Hospital and Health Center in Tacoma), if someone had said they were an aunt or a partner, I would have let them say their last goodbyes.”

Langbehn says she still has not been given Pond’s medical records from the hospital nor her death certificate directly from the county or the state, which affected their children’s Social Security benefits.

But she has received support from the local community and from former talk show host Rosie O’Donnell, who has e-mailed her to offer support and said she was angry over the way the family was treated. O’Donnell’s partner, Kelli O’Donnell, is a co-founder of R Family Vacations.

Capital City Pride co-chair Anna Schlecht said that Langbehn’s story drives home the reason why gays and lesbians continue to lobby for national legal recognition of their partnerships and families.

“When Janice told me the story over the phone, I started crying,” she said. “Death is hard enough. I can’t imagine having my children barred from me in the last moments of my life.”

Langbehn said attitudes changed when doctors in charge of organ donation recognized Langbehn and Pond as a couple. They accepted Langbehn’s signature on the consent forms, she said. They also allowed the children to visit with their mother, who was kept on life support while organ matches were found.

Pond, who was a volunteer with her church and with the Girl Scouts, as well as a foster mother, wished to donate her organs because she wanted to continue to give to people after her death, Langbehn said.

“I heard from the heart recipient last week,” she said. “Now he’s able to play with his grandkids again and he definitely would like to meet our family.”

Posted in Lisa.

I was checking Rosie’s blog like I do everyday and I was blown away that within an hour of her getting the Olympian story - she made Lisa’s story her “header” for the day.  Go look for yourself www.rosie.com

As promised, I am posting my speech.  I was interviewed following the speech by our local reporert.. beyond that I’m not sure.  Here is what I said:

Here is the link to the Olympian story and below is my entire speech:  http://www.theolympian.com/news/story/138169.html

Four months ago today, my partner, Lisa Marie Pond, died from a brain aneurysm.  Four months ago today, our family was dreaming of white sandy beaches and blue waters as we were getting ready to set sail on the RFamily Vacation cruise out of Miami to the Bahamas.  Instead, Lisa who was very healthy collapsed while watching our children play basketball on the top deck.  The kids were brave souls and carried Lisa down to the stateroom where I took one look at her and knew it was very serious, she couldn’t talk at all and had no ability to stand.  I will always have to live with the memory of the trauma our children endured by watching as their “other” mom was dying before their eyes.  Fortunately, Lisa and I knew sign language because we have had many foster children who had language delays.  So I signed and asked her if she hit her head and she replied very sternly in sign language “NO”.  That is when I thought it was a stroke or some other serious brain event.  Ship porter’s helped me get her to the Ships’ doctor who called for Miami Fire and Rescue.

The kids and I packed all our belongings and hurried off the boat while Lisa was intubated and taken to local trauma hospital in Miami .  The kids and I waited and waited for word about Lisa, finally when someone appeared – Dr. Garnet Fredrick, a social worker, was very blunt in telling me that I was in “an anti-gay city and state” and that I would need a health care proxy before I was allowed to see my partner of nearly 18 years or know of her condition.  After getting his fax number I immediately called Kathy Bowen our closet friend here in Olympia who went to our house, found our legal documents including our Power of Attorney, Living Will and Advance Directive allowing me to speak for Lisa in the event she couldn’t.  Kathy went to our house within minutes of my frantic call and faxed our legal documents to the hospital in Miami .  I then waited and waited – going on three hours when I finally called our family physician here in Olympia WA at her house on a Sunday and asked for her help because I was being barred from seeing Lisa and still was being denied the information on Lisa’s condition.  Halfway through the call with our Doctor a Neurosurgeon appeared to tell me that Lisa had suffered a massive and fast bleed in her brain and they needed to place a pressure monitor in her head and that other surgery may be needed, I consented.  It was only then I realized that they had received the documents Kathy had faxed to them, yet I was still not being allowed to see my partner.  I also never saw that social worker again.  He never came to me to say that he was sorry for his comments or that he received our legal documents and they were sufficient. 

Another hour passed before two more neurosurgeons appeared to talk with me and Lisa’s parents who were listening in via my cell phone.  It was only after this meeting that I learned that our Lisa was essentially gone, that no surgery could save her brain from the massive aneurysm.  After the doctors left the room, I brought our children in to tell them that their “other” mom’s had died and that she was in Heaven now.  I explained that we would keep her on a breathing machine so that she could donate her organs so that others could live just as Lisa’s wanted it.

More than one tragedy occurred that February day in Miami, I lost my partner, my love, my life, our kids lost their “other” mom and what makes all these tragedies more horrible is how I was treated by the Social Worker and receptionist at that hospital in Miami by telling me I couldn’t see Lisa nor make decisions about her end of life care. In those 3 hours desperate for information about Lisa, I paced and watched other families being brought back into the trauma center, yet my family waited, with no word about Lisa’s condition.  Our children Danielle, David, Katie and I all lost the ability to be with Lisa in her last moments of consciousness, to hold her hand and to say goodbye and that is something that can never be given back to our family.  When I finally was allowed to see Lisa it was with a Priest to perform her last Rites. 

So our family grieves for what was. We grieve for our immeasurable loss of Lisa and we grieve for all the other same sex families who face discrimination on a daily basis.  Lisa and I never set out to change the world or change how others accept gay families, we just wanted to be allowed to live equally and raise our children by giving them all the same opportunities their peers have.  I believe we achieved that and in no way deserved to be treated the way we were in Miami .  To this day, I am unable to receive Lisa’s death certificate directly from Miami or the State of Florida , instead I have to ask the funeral home to request them for me because we were not a recognized couple.  This may seem insignificant but without a death certificate, our children’s social security benefits were held up as well as life insurance benefits.  In addition I have been unable to receive her medical records from Miami though I have requested them numerous times.

There was brightness in this tragedy of how we were treated, when the organ donation individuals took over, the air in Lisa room turned to one of love and light, they allowed me to sign all the consent forms to donate Lisa’s organs – just how Lisa planned it.  They allowed the children to visit whenever and for as long as they could and allowed me to stay by Lisa’s side until organ matches were made.  We are thankful for the many individuals who have been there for our family over the past four months including Rosie and Kelli O’Donnell, the incredible individuals at RFamily vacations including Gregg and Colleen, Cindi from GLAAD and most importantly Kathy and Bob Bowen who have taken me and our children under their wing to see us through this horrible loss.

Shortly after arriving back home after Lisa’s funeral Mass in her home state of Connecticut , I wrote this in the memory of Lisa.

Thank You

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:

OUR LISA

Her smile and love of life is left with all who knew her

Her simple wish was to be a mother and A Girl Scout Leader

She was both and so much more

As a mother she nutured so many

Some for only a few days

Four became her forever children

They now look up to the heavens to see her star shining

As a Girl Scout Leader her troop swelled to over 30 girls

She never said “no” to a girl

Wanting to help as many as she could

Even the adults who “discriminated” against her

Her loss is felt now by too many to measure

Her sons, her daughters, her partner and her friends

Even in her death she gave to others

By giving life through organ donation - as young as a 12yo

She left this earth happy and content

Dreaming of blue waters and white sandy beaches

Signing “I Love You” to her kids in their palms

when she could not speak

She was a partner, a beloved mother to many,

troop leader to many more

She will not be forgotten

by:janice

PS pictures to follow in flickr tomorrow

(more…)

4/24/07

Dear Janice,

I am writing in reply to your letter regarding my heart transplant from your beloved mother and friend, Lisa.  We are deeply sorrowed over your loss, but rest assured, Lisa is living on in each of our lives and our families as well.  We are so glad you want to have contact with us.  We truly want to express our gratitude and keep in touch.  We both are registered to be donors, being a recipient makes the donor program even closer to our hearts.

I am a 57 year old male residing in North Florida.  I am a retired veteran of the US Navy after 23 years.  After my military career I worked as an auto parts store manager until I went into heart failure after open heart surgery in 2001.  I enjoy sports, played baseball, softball, basketball, bowled and watched a lot of football.  Coached youth bowling, coached and umpired youth softball, baseball.

We have two children that have blessed us with six grandchildren: Christian, Chandler, Tyson, Trace, Trinity and Chloe, ages 10 to 4.  Prior to my transplant I was unable to work or actively interact with our grandchildren.  Thanks to Lisa’s gift of life I have been given the blessing to live on to enjoy being a husband, father, brother, brother in law and see our grandchildren grow.  We have truly been blessed through Lisa’s desire to help others in need.

Through Lisa’s gift, the willing of our GOD, and therapy I am doing extremely well and getting back to a normal life.  I would also like to have direct contact and get to know you and your family.  I am sorry I cannot give you my contact information because of the guidelines of Life Quest.  I will get my personal information to you as soon as permissible.  Please correspond through the donor program as often as you desire and I will do the same.

Respectfully,

Jerry

Today would have been Lisa and my 18yrs anniversary as a couple.  Hard to believe it has been that long.  Two days ago I was contacted by the olympia pride foundation - and have been asked to speak at this year’s pride event on 6/17.  It looks like I’ll be talking in between 2 law makers.  The kids all have said they want me to do this and will be on stage with me as well as Kathy and her family.  I have done a lot of public speaking in my life but this will be different.  Local and Seattle media are likely to pick up Lisa’s story.  Which will help with then getting the word out at the national level as I have been working with GLAAD.  I have the speech written but won’t post it until after the evet.  Not to worry I have sent it many individuals for input.  Thanks all.

peace

jan

Above is the letter I found in my parent box this past week - I hope you get a good laugh like the rest of the parents at Waldorf that received these.