6.22.10

tracing the letters

then the year

then the angel

talked out loud about our trip to DC

meeting Christine Cagney

my first martini

David’s hard work in football

after having a toddler type fit on day 3

of never going back

Danielle putting in 14 hour days

with the Police Explorer

and Katie at home all summer

for the first time since she was 4 months old

listening for her answers, they came

through the wind, thank God

she is there to talk to

there is no one else, almost 3 and 1/2 years

next month

as years go 2010 is better than the prior 3

Capital City Pride Award, HRC Award, meeting the President

Secretary Sebelius, all very caring, remarks it was

“wrong” and “cruel”  were President Obama’s direct words

on the record for all to hear and feel.

I repeat them to her as

I trace her name again and press

my hand on the cold marble and say

“goodbye my love” see you soon

President’s speech – go to 5:44 for our family – Peace

Transcript:

THE PRESIDENT: Hello, hello, hello! (Applause.) Hello, everybody!
(Applause.) I was going to say welcome to the White House — but you
guys seem like you feel right at home. (Laughter.) You don’t need me
to tell you — it’s the people’s house.

A couple of acknowledgements that I want to make very quickly —
first of all, our Director of the Office of Personnel Management, who
has just done an extraordinary job across the government — give John
Berry a big round of applause. (Applause.)

AUDIENCE MEMBER: All right, John!

THE PRESIDENT: All right, John! (Laughter.)

Our chair of the Export/Import Bank, helping to bring jobs here to
the United States of America — Fred Hochberg. (Applause.) Our chair of
the Council on Environmental Quality, doing outstanding work each and
every day — Nancy Sutley. Where is she? (Applause.) Nancy is a little
vertically challenged, but I see her over there. (Laughter.)

We’ve got here a trailblazer for federal appointees — we are so
proud of her — Ms. Roberta Achtenberg is here. Give Roberta a big
round of applause. (Applause.) And then I understand we’ve got a
terrific country singer — Chely Wright is in the house. (Applause.)

In addition — I know they had to leave because they had votes, but
you guys obviously don’t have just fiercer warriors on your behalf
than a couple of our openly gay and lesbian members of Congress —
Tammy Baldwin and Jared Polis. (Applause.) They are openly terrific.
(Laughter.) They do great work.

And it is also great to have so many activists and organizers from
around the country — folks who fight every day for the rights of
parents and children and partners and citizens to be treated equally
under the law. And so we are very proud of all of you. (Applause.)

Oh, and by the way, the guy standing next to me — this is Joe
Biden. (Applause.) Just because he’s a Phillies fan — he’s from
Delaware. (Laughter.)

Now, look, the fact that we’ve got activists here is important
because it’s a reminder that change never comes — or at least never
begins in Washington. It begins with acts of compassion — and
sometimes defiance — across America. It begins when ordinary people —
out of love for a mother or a father, son or daughter, or husband or
wife — speak out against injustices that have been accepted for too
long. And it begins when these impositions of conscience start opening
hearts that had been closed, and when we finally see each other’s
humanity, whatever our differences.

Now, this struggle is as old as America itself. It’s never been
easy. But standing here, I am hopeful. One year ago, in this room, we
marked the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall protests. (Applause.)
Some of you were here, and you may remember that I pledged then that
even at a time when we faced enormous challenges both on the economy
and in our foreign policy, that we would not put aside matters of
basic equality. And we haven’t.

We’ve got a lot of hard work that we still have to do, but we can
already point to extraordinary progress that we’ve made over the past
year on behalf of Americans who are gay and lesbian, bisexual and
transgender.

Just stay with me here for a second. Last year, I met with Judy
Shepard, Matthew Shepard’s mom, and I promised her that after a
decade’s-long struggle, we would pass inclusive hate crimes
legislation. I promised that in the name of her son we would ensure
that the full might of the law is brought down on those who would
attack somebody just because they are gay. And less than six months
later, with Judy by my side, we marked the enactment of the Matthew
Shepard Act. It’s now the law of the land. (Applause.)

Just a few moments ago, I met with Janice Langbehn and her
children. Where did Janice go? There they are right there. And when
Janice’s partner of 18 years, Lisa, suddenly collapsed because of an
aneurysm, Janice and the couple’s three kids were denied the chance to
comfort their partner and their mom — barred from Lisa’s bedside. It
was wrong. It was cruel. And in part because of their story, I
instructed my Secretary of Health and Human Services, Kathleen
Sebelius, to make sure that any hospital that’s participating in
Medicare or Medicaid — that means most hospitals — (laughter) — allow
gay and lesbian partners the same privileges and visitation rights as
straight partners. (Applause.)

After I issued that memorandum, I called Janice and I told her the
news. And before we came out here today, I wanted to make sure that I
had followed up — Secretary Sebelius will officially be proposing this
regulation. And I can also announce that the Secretary has sent a
letter today asking these hospitals to adopt these changes now — even
before the rule takes effect. (Applause.) Nothing can undo the hurt
that her — that Janice’s family has experienced. And nothing can undo
the pain felt by countless others who’ve been through a similar ordeal
— for example, Charlene Strong is here. She lost her wife, Kate
Fleming — and Charlene is here along with Kate’s mom, who said on
behalf of all mothers, thank you. Because we think it’s the right
thing to do. (Applause.)

In addition, I’ve issued an executive order[SIC]* to extend as
many partnership benefits to gay and lesbian federal employees as
possible under current law. And I’m going to continue to fight to
change the law: to guarantee gay federal employees the exact same
benefits as straight employees — including access to health insurance
and retirement plans. (Applause.) And in an announcement today, the
Department of Labor made clear that under the Family and Medical Leave
Act, same-sex couples — as well as others raising children — are to be
treated like the caretakers that they are. (Applause.)

Because I believe in committed — I believe that committed gay and
lesbian couples deserve the same rights and responsibilities afforded
to any married couple in this country, I have called for Congress to
repeal the so-called Defense of Marriage Act. (Applause.) We are
pushing hard to pass an inclusive employee non-discrimination bill.
(Applause.) No one in America should be fired because they’re gay.
It’s not right, it’s not who we are as Americans, and we are going to
put a stop to it.

And finally, we’re going to end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”.
(Applause.) That is a promise I made as a candidate. It is a promise
that I reiterated as President. It’s one that this administration is
going to keep. Now, the only way to lock this in — the only way to get
the votes in Congress to roll back this policy — is if we work with
the Pentagon, who are in the midst of two wars.

And that’s why we were gratified to see, for the first time ever,
the Secretary of Defense, Bob Gates, testify in favor of repeal. And
the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Mike Mullen, has repeatedly
and passionately argued for allowing gay men and women to serve
honestly in the military. (Applause.) We know that forcing gay and
lesbian soldiers to live a lie or to leave the military, that doesn’t
contribute to our security — it harms our security.

And thanks to Patrick Murphy and others, for the first time in
history, the House has passed a repeal that would allow gay men and
women to openly serve in our armed forces. And this repeal is authored
so that the Pentagon can complete its review of the policy — which is
critical, by the way, not only to passage, but it’s also critical to
making sure that the change is accepted and implemented effectively.
In the Senate, the Armed Services Committee has approved repeal for
the first time, and the full body is poised to vote soon.

So here’s the bottom line: We have never been closer to ending
this discriminatory policy. And I’m going to keep on fighting until
that bill is on my desk and I can sign it. (Applause.)

Of course, ultimately, change is about more than just policies in
our government. And that’s why I want to close by recognizing all the
young people who are here — I had a chance to take a bunch of pictures
with them, just really impressive folks who are advocating on their
behalf. I know there are some in the audience who have experienced
pain in their lives, who at times have been — felt like outcasts, who
have been scorned or bullied, and I know that there are families here
on behalf of loved ones who are no longer with us, some in part
because of the particularly difficult challenges that gay men and
women still face.

This is a reminder that we all have an obligation to ensure that
no young person is ever made to feel worthless or alone — ever. Now,
at the same time, I think there’s plenty of reason to have some hope
for many of the young people including those who are here today.
They’ve shown incredible courage and incredible integrity — standing
up for who they are. They’ve refused to be anything less than
themselves.

And we all remember being young — sort of. (Laughter.) But it’s
not easy. It’s not easy standing up all the time and being who you
are. But they’re showing us the way forward. These young people are
helping to build a more perfect union, a nation where all of us are
equal; each of us is free to pursue our own versions of happiness.

And I believe because of them that the future is bright. It’s
certainly bright for them. Of course, it does depend on all of us. It
depends on the efforts of government and the activism of ordinary
citizens like yourselves. It depends on the love of families and the
support of communities. And I want you all to know that as this work
continues, I’m going to be standing shoulder-to-shoulder with you,
fighting by your side every step of the way. (Applause.)

So, thank you. God bless you. God bless the United States of
America. (Applause.)

Thank you Mr. President

I looked around as the President was speaking and saw Constance and Chely Wright.  I turned to Chely and told her of our story. Then on the way out.. Constance was leaving and I said to her what the President just  ordered  hospitals must recognize Constance’s partner or vice versa if they end up in a medical crisis and not suffer the way my family – our children did forced to be alone away from Lisa.

We were the first family to great President Obama who is tall and handsome, shook the kids’ hand and mine and for the picture, He gave danielle a great hug – can’t wait to see how it all turns out.

I am just honored I was invited, that my brother Skip came along and that the children finally agreed it was ok to miss the last day of school to meet the president.

so tomorrow we are off to Chicago for some event.

Thanks you to HRC for all the help in DC, thank you to Lambda Legal and Beth as always

Peace

jan

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2012192714_whitehouseinvite24.html

Amen

THE LAD

One day long ago, a young lad only “yea high” left behind seven years of friendships at another school to begin a new journey.

The Lad’s journey meant he would join a new classroom were everyone knew each other.  Everyone already had friends and they played complicated violins and violas and Cello’s.

The Lad remained very afraid for weeks.  He tried fitting in by playing soccer and other games but he fell over when he played, angering the other kids, making things even worse for the new young lad.

The Lad thought and thought about how to make new friends in his new school.  This Lad also had a sister who was a year younger at the school but she was of no help.  She would take the lad’s lunch and hide it from him.

The Lad was determined to make his own way.  Then an opening happened, when he played his viola he floated away like the notes.  No sister to irritate him, no other children is to laugh at him when he fell over his own feet.  The Lad began to make friends with his classmates and was invited to join in with the rest of the class.

Summer came and went. The Lad started Grade 5.  He continued to play his viola but began to find the math and reading very difficult.  The Lad never gave up, he continued to do what he felt was the best he could do.  His mothers’ cheered him on to work at his writing, handwork, Spanish and main lesson.

The Lad was preparing for a vacation when grade 5 was halfway done.  He was going to go on the high seas to visit small islands.  What the Lad did not know that God had a plan for him on this trip.  God planned for him to be more helpful than just taking out the garbage when asked or leaving his younger sister alone when she was a pest.

The Langbehn-Pond Clan headed to the sunshine for a week long vacation.  However before the boat left, one of the Lad’s mother’s fell very ill.  So ill that even the best doctor’s could not make the Lad’s mother, Lisa better.

The Lad returned to school after burying his mother.  The Lad tried to remain his happy self but his feelings became easily hurt.  The sadness was like a cloud over this Lad for many years to come.

It was not until Grade 7 during the Lad’s coming of age ceremony, that he was no longer angry with God for taking his Mom.  The Lad realized all along that God had not left him alone because he had his mom Janice there the entire time.

AMEN (thank you David)

Much more needs to happen.  Lt. Dan Choi, chaining himself to the WH as well as others to demand the change.  But remember Gretta Camermeyer back in the 90′s kicked out before DADT?  We are making strides as a community so that gay teens don’t need to have the highest suicide rate of any others kids.  That parents don’t come home to find their gay child bullied so bad they have hung themselves in their closet.  These children need to be proud and safe and tell parents who won’t kick them out of the house, when they come out and say “I’m Gay”.

I wonder what full equality will feel like?  I still can’t access Lisa’s niche b/c I’m not related so I have no legal standing to add a letter from our oldest son.  I can’t get her death certificate or medical records – STILL.  I still have to carry a power of attorney so that when I am sick – I can have someone with me.

And then I step back and think but how did Lisa feel.  Alone – tied to her gurney, did she hear me recite the litany of saints during the 5 mins I did see her for Last Rites?  Did she hear me say I love you one, at what I didn’t know would be the last time? Did she hear or feel my tears on her cheek?  Did she wonder as she slipped away why no one was there – no one?  Did she think the kids and I left her to die alone.  As I watched other families brought back to be with their family.  I will never know.  I hope there is an after life so that I can tell Lisa how sorry I am for failing her in her last moments.  In our Holy Union, before GOD I promised not to abandon her, it was not my intention – but it happened and the guilt is as raw today as it was over 3 years ago.

I truly hope that we are almost there – that our country, the greatest on the planet – gets there.  I think that we are slowly getting there.  But it needs to happen now.  So that service members don’t need to live a lie – especially when they are willing to die for MY freedom.  It needs to happen now for that gay family who has a critically ill spouse – about to die, so they can be together in that final moment.  It needs to happen now so that partners can receive all benefits like social security, life insurance and anything else the couple built together so those left behind are not in utter financial ruin.  It needs to happen now, because we are no less of a person than the next person.  It needs to happen now, because everyday gay individuals donate their organs unselfishly so that others can live (just like Lisa did to save 4 lives).  It needs to happen now so that our children can hold their heads high and say I have/had TWO moms and I’m damn proud of that.

It needs to happen now.

peace

So I come back to Jackson Memorial in Miami – why won’t they say they are “sorry” for whatever reason they want to give for why they kept us from Lisa?  Maybe it’s not because we were gay (thought that is my only thought), was it b/c they didn’t find a room quick enough so we could have access – was it b/c they were lazy?  What is it? Underneath it all – maybe my lawsuit didn’t get it correct – maybe there is something more they are hiding – something that is worse than discrimination and hence their REFUSAL to face the children and I for how we were treated.  EIGHT hours is a long time to wait, folks.  Especially if life saving measures stopped at 3 hours.  What is their excuse for the next 5 hours?  They have none, they have given none other than in court that they don’t owe visitation time to ANY family.

After the President’s call on 4/15, and the flurry of press and the attempted backlash of the hospital to discredit me by writing to the President – saying they had a lesbian Charge nurse on call the night Lisa was in their care – so what – that makes it worse in my mind – if she saw our POA – she should have made the extra effort to connect with us – shouldn’t she?

I think JMH has more to hide about what ensued from 6:30pm to 11:30pm on 2/18/07.  I will never know and why they refuse to apologize.  Thank God the current Administration – President Obama and his Chief of Staff – knew we were wronged and has made the attempt to right the wrong.  And given my nature, I will continue to bring this up until JMH officially looks us in the eyes, in person and says those simple words “I’m/We are Sorry”.

So many supporters have written to the CEO and the head of the Public Trust – who both lambasted me in a letter to the President – in the attempt to do damage control following the President’s call – to no avail.  And the hospital dismisses the complaints, the call for an apology saying it’s in litigation – It’s not folks – I lost in court.  The Judge admonished the hospital for their treatment of our family but admitted there was NO law to protect our family.  But I am beginning to feel the peace I have so long sought since Lisa’s death – because should JMH or any other hospital do this again once the HHS regulations are in place – they can lose funding.  If you are in hospital administration – you are on notice now – you can have a huge amount of out GAY staff but all it takes is one bad egg to ruin it for you – be aware and take complaints seriously which JMH didn’t do with mine.  Losing it for months until the first time I spoke out and it hit the papers.  Then they magically found it, but never, NEVER resolved it.  And JHACO who oversees hospital accreditation gets a D- in my book too – I filed a formal complaint also with them for HIPPA violations among other things and I’m not allowed to know the outcome of their investigation.  Our health care system is the opposite of transparent – accreditations standards protect the hospitals – hospitals answer to no one – and worse of all they stand up for staff like Mr. Garnett Frederick at JMH a PhD SW who is not licensed in Florida, is not a member of NASW – so there is no one to oversee his duties but the hospital that has hired him and protected him all these years.  Shame on you Mr. Frederick – I have your SW note and know it’s all fabricated from the date and time you signed it.  As a Hospital SW myself, trained by an amazing woman – when you sign and date your note – it’s the info you have at that moment – but you tried to make yourself look better – and you failed.

But thank God for LAORA, the organ retrieval agency.  How can I go from one minute to having only 5 minutes in the  ICU with Lisa and the kids only rarely to un-restricted access – what changed?  Nothing other than Compassionate and real humans beings caring for my love, my partner and it wasn’t because she was JUST and organ donor – it’s because they were sensitive to the needs of the grieving family.  That includes children, Lisa’s family (siblings and parents) and myself.  JMH needs to learn a thing or two from LAORA.

And ultimately, JMH needs to learn to say “i’m sorry”.  Though it would be too little way too late – at least I know that their policy changes are in ernest and they take responsibility for our family.  One family treated like ours is too many at any hospital.  I have given up on you – JMH – but you know how to contact me and the kids if you ever decide to do the compassionate thing and say those simple words – I’m sorry.

peace

http://www.hrc.org/issues/13606.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The 2010 Healthcare Equality Index is Dedicated to the Memory of Lisa Pond and the Advocacy of Her Partner, Janice Langbehn.

Their stories have helped changed the healthcare landscape for all LGBT People.

In the first edition of the Healthcare Equality Index, we shared the story of Janice Langbehn and Lisa Pond. They were on vacation with their children in Miami in February 2007 when tragedy struck. Lisa suffered a brain aneurysm and was rushed to the emergency room at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami. When Janice arrived with the children, she was told she was in “an anti-gay city and state” and would need a healthcare proxy before she was allowed to see her partner of nearly 18 years or know of her condition. Even after the documents were faxed to the hospital by a friend, it took hours before Janice was finally allowed to see Lisa. Sadly, it was with a priest to perform Last Rites.

In the three year’s since Lisa’s death, Janice has worked tirelessly to insure that no other family should have to suffer through these indignities. As Janice has maintained throughout, this is not about a “gay right; it’s about a human right” to decide who should be with you during an illness.

Earlier this year, after intense lobbying efforts and discussions with hospital administrators by a coalition of local and national LGBT activists, Jackson Memorial finally announced the implementation of new policies protecting the rights of LGBT patients and their families. Among these policy changes is an LGBT inclusive definition of family. The hospital’s announcement did not, however, address the need for grievance procedures or include a formal apology to the Langbehn-Pond family.

Then, on April 15, 2010, Janice received a phone call from President Obama, who had just signed a memorandum ordering the development of federal regulations directly addressing the type of discriminatory treatment her family had experienced in Miami.  Reflecting on the conversation, Janice wrote on her blog “In those short minutes of speaking with our President, it was clear he got the issue, and now in reading his memorandum, he understood what happened to Lisa, the kids and I was wrong on many level s- especially on the human level.  None of this brings Lisa back.  But what it does do – for the next gay couple – is that hopefully if your partner is dying you won’t be locked behind a door for eight hours as they slip from this earth and not be allowed to say goodbye.”

We all owe a great deal of thanks to Janice. Her efforts in the aftermath of personal tragedy have made the healthcare industry take notice of the type of discrimination that LGBT families face in healthcare settings. More importantly, it has changed the landscape so that in the future, no person is subjected to this treatment. We are indebted to Janice for her advocacy.