GLAAD Media Award Speech – NYC, LA and SF
22nd Annual GLAAD Media Awards
Good evening, I am Janice Langbehn. In trying to prepare for tonight’s speech and express how the importance of equality is; I am saddened to think the only reason I am up here is because my partner died. Some of you may have heard our story. In February 2007, my partner, Lisa Pond, and I arrived in Miami, Florida with three of our adopted children to realize a family dream – a weeklong vacation on R-Family Cruises. We did not anticipate the unimaginable homophobia and inhumane treatment we would be faced with just a few hours later.
While I unpacked in our cabin, Lisa, my partner of 18 years took our kids Danielle, David and Katie up to the top deck to play basketball. Just a short time later the kids were banged on the stateroom door saying, “Mommy was hurt!” I opened the door, and took one look at Lisa and knew the situation was very serious. I knew that my life partner was gravely ill. Thousands of miles from home we had no choice but to seek medical help in an unfamiliar city.
After local medics arrived, we hurried off the ship to the closest hospital in Miami, Ryder Trauma Center at Jackson Memorial Hospital. I headed to the waiting room to do admission papers and begin the waiting. When I offered to fill out Lisa’s admitting forms, I was told they didn’t want my information. A short while later a social worker appeared to inform me that I was – and I quote – “in an anti-gay city and state.” He explained that this meant that I would not be allowed to see Lisa or make decisions about her care without a Health Care Proxy. Within 20 minutes I had contacted close friends in Olympia, WA who raced to our house, found all our legal documents including our Durable Power of Attorney, Living Wills and Advance Directives and faxed them to the hospital.
Sitting alone with our luggage, our children and my thoughts, I watched numbly as other families were invited back into the trauma center to visit with their loved ones. I was still waiting to hear what was happening with Lisa, realizing as the time passed that I was not being allowed to see her and if the social worker’s words were any indication, it was because we were gay.
A short while later, two surgeons appeared and explained the bleed in Lisa’s brain had caused massive brain damage and was not survivable. After given seconds to digest that my partner was dying, I asked in desperation to see her. The doctors promised that I would be brought to see Lisa. Yet I was still waiting when a hospital chaplain appeared. I politely requested a Catholic Priest be brought in to administer Lisa’s Last Rites. The chaplain offered to pray with me, and I remember staring at her wondering – what did she think I had been doing for the last several hours but praying? I knew the children needed to see Lisa and say goodbye, and I used every tactic I could think of to be with her, yet four hours after they stopped life-saving measures we still sat in that small waiting room. I showed hospital staff our children’s birth certificates with Lisa’s name on them and was told they were “too young to visit.” I thought to myself “how old do you need to be to say goodbye to your mother”? In those hours of waiting and trying to calm our children, explaining to them that their “other” mom was dying and would go to Heaven, I felt like a failure.
Lisa was declared brain dead the following day at 10:45am. As she wished, her organs were donated, saving four lives.
Over the ensuing four months, I contacted the hospital asking for an apology and complained about the way they treated our family. It fell on deaf ears. When asked to speak at my town’s pride event, I reached out to GLAAD for help and finally found someone to listen to me. Cindi Creager from GLAAD empowered me to tell my story and to tell it without shame or apologizing for Lisa and my eighteen years together.
With the help of Lambda Legal, I filed a federal suit against the hospital and those who barred the children and me from Lisa’s side and forced her to die alone. GLAAD brought me here to New York City so I could receive media training so I could respond to all the questions such as “why didn’t you say you were sisters” or “why didn’t you kick down the door.” GLAAD then worked with Lambda to get our story out there – from CNN, the Advocate, Newsweek to LGBT News show ‘In The Life’. In 2008, syndicated columnist Leonard Pitts – a nominee tonight – wrote a column entitled “Joe or Janice.” In 2008 he received the GLAAD award for best syndicated columnist. Then in 2009, GLAAD got Tara Parker Pope – a writer for the New York Times – to profiled our family in the Sunday Times. That article too received the GLAAD award for outstanding newspaper article.
Though, we lost the lawsuit , it was that New York Times article that was brought to President Obama which led to the call that changed hospital visitation rights in this country. On April 15, 2010, President Obama called me from Air Force One to apologize for how our family was treated at the Miami Hospital. He went on to say he ordered The Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services to change nation-wide rules to allow for same sex visitation just as they do for blood relatives. This rule change went into effect this year on January 18th.
So you can see from our tragedy, change occurred. However, none of this would have been possible without GLAAD. It is you here tonight and the thousands of other members who support GLAAD and their mission of sharing stories in the media of LGBT persons and families that empowered President Obama to make this courageous change once he had been made aware of the injustice to our family.
If you remember nothing else from tonight, I am asking you to please support GLAAD in its endeavors, for without GLAAD I would not have received the media attention and training that I so needed while in deep grief. Without GLAAD, our family and Lisa’s legacy would have been a one-time article in my local paper, instead of creating national change so all LGBT individuals will not die alone while their partner and children are behind locked doors.
Thank you
GLAAD Awards – LA Kristin Chenoweth acceptance
What a moment – I will share more but wanted to get this up on the blog. If you met me and took pictures with me – please, if you can forward them to I would be very appreciative.
FB Memorial Page
Please “Like” Lisa Pond’s Memorial Page on Facebook. Feel free to write on the Wall, Post pictures and the like.
GLAAD awards – what I don’t have time to say
I am sitting in my room at the Marriott Marquis NYC trying to calm nerves about speaking tomorrow night. It’s not the number of people who come to the GLAAD Awards (sort of the Gay Academy Awards in my mind), I have spoken to audiences this size before (1300). Actually I don’t know what is making me nervous for tomorrow night and then for the Lambda Legal Liberty Awards happening in May. Maybe, it’s that both events are very different from prior talks and I fell a great deal of personal pressure to get my story out and let any receptive person understand the painful need for equality.
Since I’m doing the GLAAD Award in LA and San Fran also – I won’t be putting up my speech until May when San Francisco Awards happens. There is no secret or surprise, nothing has changed in my story or the outcome. Sadly the hospital, Jackson Memorial in Miami STILL has not released all of Lisa’s medical record and they STILL have not issued an apology to my family. Maybe they can’t say they are sorry, 4 years later, because they are not sorry for keeping Lisa alone, to die alone. It never occurred to me that might be the answer until a few weeks ago. Maybe JMH just doesn’t give a shit about our one little family from Lacey, WA. Completely possible, right? I mean what would they get from it, really beside a person (me) who would blog about they had grown a pair and done the right thing. Or that I might actually come FOR FREE and help train their staff by using my story and showing where the JMH system so horribly failed our entire family on that February night in 2007. Who am I kidding, they don’t care, obviously. A call from President Obama, a NY Times article, 1.3 million Google hits, and an online petition urging JMH mgmt to apologize must not mean much to these humans.
One thing I will share which I don’t say much about is that the only statement JMH has made to try to put the heat back on me is that a staff would NEVER say “anti-gay city and state” and they stand by their Social Worker who could not have said that to me. Funny thing is – that exchanged is so seared into my brain that the FIRST words I said to my family, on the night Lisa collapsed is, “Marilyn (Gary, Skip, Kathy – insert any name) they won’t let me see Lisa – they say I’m in an “anti-gay city and state”. If you think my family would just say that then how about another doctor corroborating my account? Two hours into waiting and not having a clue why she collapsed, I finally called our family doctor at her home in Olympia and said to her “they won’t let me see Lisa or tell me what is going on because they said that I am in an anti-gay city and state”. I didn’t even remember saying that to our doctor until People Mag was doing an article and they interviewed our doctor and she brought it up. So I guess if JMH feels the extreme need to protect Garnett Frederick and their desk clerk that night who told my children they were “too young to visit” and say good-bye to their dying mom, then JMH must feel proud of these staff.
Enough ranting, I need to re-focus and get ready for my five minutes on the stage and work hard to tell attendees why I’m passionate about Equality.
Peace
Upcoming Events
Here are the events I will speaking at:
GLAAD Media Awards – NYC March 19th
GLAAD Media Awards – LA April 10th
Lambda Legal in Palm Springs April 17th
Lambda Legal Liberty Awards – NYC May 2nd
GLAAD Media Awards – San Fran May 14th
my community…
Just as I think, things are winding down with speeches and appearances that I will finally have time to work on my memoir and one week can change it all.
Two weeks ago, I went through 3 hours of IV poking ending up with eight failed peripheral IV attempts. I finally said ‘enough’ and the doc on call order a Mid-Line. It finally went in and thank god for that. As the Steroids flooded my system and making my joints ache like an 80 year old, and slowing me down to a crawl but it allowed my mind to free itself. I find it best to have out of body experiences when I am sitting there for the hour of the treatment. The main IV nurse is not someone I want to converse with or really get to know. She’s the “main” iV fusion nurse at my plan and she is the only perosn in 20yrs at my health plan I have ever complained about. So Sarah showing up to advocate for me after 8 hrs of this deaf nurse not seeing the pain she was putting me through and then relaying what she saw to my doctor, I’m beyound fortunate – it’s what Lisa used to do. I went through 5 full days or a total of 5G of steroids and can report I’m back to my baseline.
So as my mind is freed during my treatment and at night when the 1000mg of steroids coursing through my body makes sleep impossible, my thoughts turned to the upcoming spring and early summer events. The kids, Sarah and I are all going to NYC where I am receiving the Lambda Legal Liberty Award on May 2nd. A complete shock when Kevin sent his letter asking to give me the award – it threw me back to that day in April when the gentleman said “do you have a few minutes to speak to the President”. Funny, I think, would someone actually say “no” in either situation?
Then last week, I took on another CASA case, missed my UPS class so need to catch up on reading and have multiple kid oriented events on the horizon when GLAAD’s L.A. office called. I know it is almost their Media Award season since the kids and I along with my sister Marilyn went to the San Fran Awards in Spring 2008. I did not speak; however, Neil (GLAAD’s president) talked about our situation and then the spotlights and camera’s hit the kids and I. The evening was fun with David Mixner and Sharon Stone receiving awards as well as sitting at Judith Light’s table (she is an honorary co-chair). I was in my infancy when it came to events back then. I think it was only my second time at a large gathering. GLAAD is special to me since the beginning when the head of national media Cindi Creager took my call and I just told her what happened to us – in about 20 minutes non-stop. This was before I knew you don’t just call up large LGBT organizations and talk to some of the upper mgmt. But it worked for me more than once. So back to my call last friday, GLAAD L.A. calls and asks if I would like to speak at the NYC awards, March 19th. Easy answer –of course. There is also a possibility of also talking at the LA and San Fran awards which I would be happy to also.
Peace
Support Team Janice – MS Walk April 2, 2011
While it has been years since our family participated in the MS walk – this year is the 12th anniversary of my diagnosis with MS. Our close friends, the Gibbs Family, oldest son Spencer has been offered to test for his Tae Kwon Do Black belt. A part of the process is a stewardship project. Spencer will participate in this years MS walk for “Team Janice”. The MS Society has made the process of donating to the MS Walk so simple that all you just have to do is: 1.Log onto our Team Web page (link is below), 2. Choose the amount of your 1x donation from $5 on up and 3. choose whether you want to received continued emails from the MS society or not then click Submit. You are all done.
Our initial team goal is $250 but want to at least double our initial goal. Please support not only my local MS chapter who helped our family in the past with child care, financing of my hearing aid and other MS related need as well as helping Spencer meet one of the requirements before he can perform the physical demands of his Black Belt. Thank you all:
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR?team_id=236859&fr_id=15672&pg=team
Peace
Team Janice
aka Janice and Spencer
Yes “the kids are all right”
I was asked to respond to this video for ABC news, Susan James – here is what I said:
Zach is absolutely correct in that my children (Lisa and mine) don’t ask for special treatment. Lisa and I set out to foster and then adopt children with no ”forever family”. After fostering 25 children and then adopting 4 from the State of Washington we knew our family was complete. We worked hard to be advocates for our children, who all have special needs. Michael is mentally retarded and has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (now age 20). Lisa and I worked tirelessly seeking the best treatment and now the 24/7 care Michael needs to live outside of an institution. Danielle born addicted to heroin and suffers from severe ADHD (now age 17). Danielle is a Police Explorer in our town, manages 3 sports at her high school, drives and helps me out as I battle my Multiple Sclerosis. She is getting ready to take the SAT and looking at colleges this coming year. David born addicted to cocaine and exposed to HIV (now age 15) also suffers from severe ADHD and below average IQ. However, there is not one person that meets David and doesn’t say he has the kindest soul. David played on his high school football team and golf this spring. Though in he receives Special Ed support in his classroom he earned 5 A’s and one B- in his first semester in High School. Katie born exposed to HIV (now age 13)attends a performing arts middle school. She is an excellent violinist, plays basketball, volleyball, and soccer. She still holds some State records in swimming, though she won’t get in the pool following Lisa’s death, that was “their” special activity together.
Our kids are different than some families since we did not give birth to them; however, we love them beyond measure. And any adoptive/foster family would say the same about their own “forever family”. Losing Lisa undoubtedly changed our children and me. We work through her loss a little more each birthday, holiday and anniversary. It will be 4 years since her passing in just 16 days (2/19/11). Lisa instilled in our children the desire for community service, respect for teachers and others in authority, help friends and never to bully. Lisa left me huge shoes to fill and I pray I am doing them justice.
and here is Susan’s Report
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/zach-wahls-son-lesbians-speech-anti-gay-legislators/story?id=12832200
Lambda Legal Statement
With Hospital Visitation Regulations in Effect, Lambda Legal Thanks Client Janice Langbehn and Obama Administration
“We are grateful to Janice Langbehn for her courage and tireless dedication. Because Janice boldly told her story, President Obama heard about her and issued the directive last year that led to these new federal rules that will protect many same-sex couples and their families across the country.”
(New York, NY, January 19, 2011) —Yesterday, new federal regulations regarding hospital visitation rights went into effect. The new rules will affect same-sex couples and their families across the country.
“We applaud the Obama administration’s steps to address the discrimination affecting LGBT patients and their families,” said Kevin Cathcart, Executive Director for Lambda Legal. “Now, in hospitals across the nation, LGBT people and their families will have more protections so they can be by their loved one’s side when they are sick and need them most.”
“We are grateful to Janice Langbehn for her courage and tireless dedication. Because Janice boldly told her story, President Obama heard about her and issued the directive last year that led to these new federal rules that will protect same-sex couples and their families across the country.”
“Yesterday, the rules went into effect and it also marked the 3 year and 11 month anniversary of Lisa’s passing,” said Janice Langbehn. “Lambda Legal stood by me and my children every step of the way. I hope that these new rules make sure that no family ever has to experience the nightmare that my family has gone through.”
The regulations require hospitals participating in Medicaid and Medicare to have written policies and procedures regarding patients’ visitation rights. Hospitals must now inform patients, or an attending friend or family member, of the patient’s rights to visitors of his or her choosing. The policy also prohibits discrimination against visitors based on race, ethnicity, religion, sex, gender identity, sexual orientation or disability.
Lambda Legal has noted in comments submitted to the Department of Health and Human Services that some important protections still need to be added. The new regulations do not address who may visit when an incapacitated patient has not designated someone to make decisions; the need for an appeals procedure for visitation denials; and the need for hospices and nursing homes have LGBT-specific nondiscrimination policies in place. Lambda Legal emphasizes that everyone should have written advanced healthcare directives and other documents to ensure that their wishes are respected.
In June 2008, Lambda Legal filed suit against Jackson Memorial Hospital on behalf of Janice Langbehn. Langbehn and her children were kept apart from Pond by hospital staff for eight hours as Pond slipped into a coma and later died. Although a federal district court rejected Lambda Legal’s lawsuit, ruling that no law required the hospital to allow her and their three children to see her partner, Lambda Legal and Langbehn continued to work with other LGBT organizations and officials at Jackson Memorial Hospital to change hospital policies on visitation and respecting the wishes of same-sex couples and their families. In April 2010, President Obama issued a presidential memo directing the Secretary of Health and Human Services to take steps to address hospital visitation and other health care issues affecting LGBT families. President Obama then called Lambda Legal client Janice Langbehn to express his sympathies for the tragic loss of her partner Lisa Pond and the treatment she suffered.
Lambda Legal will present Janice Langbehn with its national Liberty Award in New York City on May 2, 2011.
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Contact: Jonathan Adams; 212-809-8585 Ext 267; Cell: 646-752-3251; jadams@lambdalegal.org
Lambda Legal is a national organization committed to achieving full recognition of the civil rights of lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, transgender people and those with HIV through impact litigation, education and public policy work.
