JMH rubs more salt in our wounds – apology lip service?

November 24, 2009 — thelpkids

I am wondering if the apology I received last week was just Lip Service now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://miamiherald.typepad.com/gaysouthflorida/2009/11/jackson-memorial-hospital-employees-deny-anti-gay-bias-in-janice-langbehn-case.html

please note this blog post was done by John – not Steve who has covered our case and knows the ins and outs.

JOHN DORSCHNER, jdorschner@miamiherald.com

In a case that for two years has reverberated nationwide with accusations of anti-gay bias at Jackson Memorial, nurse Natalee Wrisk retains a vivid memory: examining the chart at the bedside of Lisa Marie Pond, a 39-year-old woman who was close to death, unconscious and on a ventilator.

The chart showed that Pond’s partner, Janice Langbehn, pictured above, had power of attorney to make medical decisions on her behalf. The nurse had been in a same-sex relationship for nine years at that point, she said, and when she saw the chart she realized she didn’t have such a document drawn up for herself — and she should have.

On Tuesday, Wrisk and two other Jackson employees involved in the case spoke for the first time, vehemently denying the allegations of anti-gay bias that were made in a lawsuit and in national publications like The New York Times.

“There is absolutely no way there was any discrimination,” said Wrisk, who as the charge nurse had control over the area and which visitors should be allowed in.

Langbehn has insisted repeatedly that Jackson social worker Garnett Frederick told her she couldn’t see her dying partner because they were in “an anti-gay city and state.”

A judge threw out Langbehn’s lawsuit in September, but the hospital’s lawyers waited for the time for appeal to lapse before allowing the Jackson employees to speak.

On Tuesday, Frederick, a Jackson social worker for 19 years, called the accusations against him “offensive, preposterous.”

Ric Cuming, chief nursing officer of Jackson Memorial, said he’s particularly concerned because the Pond case has caused many local gays to avoid the hospital.

“As a gay man,” Cuming said, “I have found myself having to defend the hospital a lot against an image that’s really unfair.”

STRICKEN ON SHIP

The case began when Pond, Langbehn and three of their children arrived in Miami from Lacey, Wash., to go on a cruise. Before they left port, Pond collapsed on the ship. At 3:30 p.m., she was rushed to the Ryder Trauma Center, where she was put in one of five bays, surrounded by monitors and equipment. There are no chairs for visitors to sit in the bays, and Wrisk said outsiders are rarely allowed in the area.

For the next several hours, employees said, the staff battled to save Pond’s life. She had suffered a brain aneurysm. At one point, she was taken away for a CT-scan, then returned to the trauma observation area, where nine beds are separated by only a few inches.

“She was extremely unstable,” said Gretchen Lovellette, the nurse who was at Pond’s side for most of the time. Another unstable patient was nearby.

Meanwhile, in the waiting area, Langbehn was irate she wasn’t being allowed to see her partner of 20 years. Frederick said he counseled Langbehn, trying to explain the gravity of Pond’s condition. A major concern was deciding on medical treatment for Pond.

Frederick said he told Langbehn that Florida did not recognize same-sex marriages, and so Langbehn could not automatically make medical decisions for Pond. Langbehn said she had a power of attorney, but not with her. She arranged to get it faxed. Within 45 minutes — at 4:15 p.m. — Jackson had the document.

At 5:20 p.m., in the only medical decision that needed to be made, a doctor told her that they wanted to insert a catheter into Pond’s brain to monitor activity. Langbehn agreed.

During the afternoon and evening when Pond was being treated, Frederick said only one family member was allowed into the trauma bays — and that was to identify a body. But the layout of the center’s waiting room is confusing, and Langbehn might have thought many visitors were going into the trauma treatment area when instead they were going to other areas.

Wrisk, the charge nurse, said she’s good friends with Frederick, who knows she is gay, and has never sensed any prejudice on his part. “He’s one of the best social workers,” she said.

Lovellette, a veteran trauma nurse, said the huge stress of having a loved one close to death can leave family members “in a haze,” and it’s easily possible that someone might misinterpret a staff member’s statement.

LAST RITES

According to Langbehn’s lawsuit, at 6:10 p.m. doctors informed her that Pond would probably not regain consciousness. She asked for a Catholic priest. At 6:50 p.m., the priest escorted Langbehn to Pond’s bedside, where he administered last rites. “Janice was immediately escorted back to the waiting area,” according to the lawsuit.

Lovellette said the children were later allowed to see Pond, but the nurse was concerned about the trauma they might feel and so the nurse cleaned her up before allowing them in.

Langbehn is now campaigning nationwide to get laws requiring hospitals to treat same sex partners equally. Wrisk and the other Jackson employees all say they firmly support equal treatment.

Jackson officials note that state law not only doesn’t recognize same-sex relationships, but also has no provisions for unmarried heterosexual couples without powers of attorney.

Last week, Martha Baker, a trauma nurse and head of the Jackson nurses’ union, apologized to Langbehn at a public meeting. “We certainly are sorry for the pain and suffering she felt.”

This week, Baker said she was not indicating Jackson workers did anything wrong. “My personal opinion is that she was denied access” to her partner, “but it was for clinical reasons.”

Posted in Family, G/L/B/T Issues and Info. 1 Comment »

latest news in the miami herald

November 20, 2009 — thelpkids

http://www.miamiherald.com/living/story/1344933.html

Several Jackson Memorial Hospital nurses personally apologized to Janice Langbehn, a Washington state lesbian who said a Jackson social worker wouldn’t allow her to be with her dying partner in 2007.

“We certainly are sorry for the pain and suffering she felt,” said Martha Baker, a registered nurse and president of SEIU local 1991, the union representing about 5,000 doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals at Jackson.

“I apologize,” said registered nurse Norberto Molina, chairman of the union’s gay Lavender Caucus. “I can’t imagine what you went through.”

The apologies came at a town hall-style meeting Thursday night at Unity on the Bay church in which Langbehn returned to Miami as a speaker. Baker, Molina and two other Jackson nurses, Jim Nicholson and Diane Poirier, along with 60 other people, attended the meeting.

Langbehn, whose lawsuit against Jackson was dismissed in September by a federal court in Miami, gracefully welcomed the nurses’ personal gesture. But she still wants the hospital to apologize formally.

“The management has to do it,” Langbehn said.

She tearfully told the audience of her final moments with longtime partner Lisa Pond, who suffered a fatal brain aneurysm on Feb. 18, 2007, shortly before they were to sail with their three children on a Caribbean cruise for gay families.

At Jackson, Langbehn said, a social worker would not let her visit Pond because Florida is “an anti-gay state.” Pond, 39, died the next day.

SUIT REJECTED

Langbehn, with the help of Lambda Legal, sued the hospital. The case, which received publicity around the country, was dismissed without a decision whether Jackson discriminated against Langbehn because she is gay. The court determined Jackson had no legal obligation to allow anyone to visit a patient.

“It’s my duty to speak out, that this should never happen to another family of ours,” said Langbehn, seated next to her attorney, Beth Littrell of Lambda Legal in Atlanta, Stratton Pollitzer of Equality Florida and Miami attorney Elizabeth Schwartz, who specializes in nontraditional-family issues. C.J. Ortuño, executive director of SAVE Dade, moderated.

From the beginning, Jackson has said Langbehn was not discriminated against and defended social worker Garnett Frederick, who denied making the offensive comment.

“We have always believed and known that the staff at Jackson treats everyone equally, and that their main concern is the well-being of the patients in their care,” Jackson spokeswoman Jennifer Piedra said in a news release after the case was dismissed in September.

INCLUSION

“At Jackson Health System, we believe in a culture of inclusion. For more than 90 years, the institution has taken great pride in serving everyone who enters its doors, regardless of race, creed, religious beliefs or sexual orientation. We also employ a very diverse workforce, one that mirrors the community we serve.”

Added Piedra: “Jackson will continue to work with the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community to ensure that everyone knows they are welcome at all of our facilities, where they will receive the highest quality of medical care.”

Ortuño told the audience that, indeed, Jackson has met with a group of South Florida gay activists to make sure gay people’s rights at the hospital are upheld.

AN EXAMPLE

Activists say they hope to use the Langbehn-Pond case as an example of why laws are needed to protect gay families.

“These stories, these tragedies can change the minds of lawmakers,” Pollitzer said.

Schwartz said that until laws are passed protecting gay families, it is imperative that they protect themselves. “The No. 1 thing, the most important thing, is to have a will,” Schwartz said.

Baker, a lesbian who has worked at Jackson for nearly a quarter century, said she is heartbroken the hospital has been accused of being antigay.

“It’s a shame that the public hospital that delivers care [here] is the focus of her pain,” said Baker, also a Lavender Caucus member. “Is Jackson homophobic? Oh, no. I’d say 30 percent of our staff is gay or lesbian. A lot of us work here because it is considered a safe space here in Miami-Dade County.”

Posted in G/L/B/T Issues and Info. Leave a Comment »

Miami speech 11.19.09

November 19, 2009 — thelpkids

Tonight I took part in a community forum with Equality Florida, Save Dade and Lambda Legal.  For the first time individuals from Jackson Memorial employees were present to here our story first hand.  It is never easy to speak of Lisa’s death.  But as I always do, here is the remarks I gave tonight.  Thank you to all the wonderful participates, panel members and community members for turning out and hearing what happened to our family and how we move to improve policies and the like at JMH.

peace

Good evening, I am Janice Langbehn and I want to thank Equality Florida, Save Dade and of course Lambda Legal for inviting me to speak tonight.

Some of you may have heard our story, In February 2007, my partner Lisa Pond and I arrived here in Miami with three of our adopted children to celebrate our 18 years together and realize a family dream with a week long vacation on Rfamily Cruise to the Bahamas.

As we boarded the Norwegian Jewel – we took a beautiful picture of the kids with Kelli O’Donnell.  We also took a family picture; little did I know that would be our last family photo.

Lisa took Katie, David and Danielle to the Basketball court and I unpacked our stateroom and only 20 minutes later, the kids were banging on the stateroom door – “mommy was hurt” and I thought to myself – “she must have sprained her ankle -she can be such a clutz”.  I opened the door and took one look at Lisa and knew it was very serious.  Having been a hospital and ER social worker, I knew my partner was gravely ill. As the ship was about to leave, we had no choice but to seek medical help in an unfamiliar city.

Lisa was transported to Ryder Trauma Center at JMH while the kids and I followed in a cab.  We arrived at Ryder at about the same time around 3:30 on that Sunday afternoon.  I tried following Lisa’s gurney to the trauma bay but was stopped by the trauma team and told to go to the waiting room, which we did.

Around 4pm, Mr. Garnett Frederick appeared saying he was a social worker and then warned me I was in an “anti-gay city and state and would not get to see Lisa nor know of her condition without a health care proxy” and turned to leave.  I called him back and said I have those documents and that I wanted his fax number.  I still have the small piece of paper he ripped out of his notebook where he wrote his name and fax number.

I immediately reached close friend in Olympia, WA who raced to our house and found all our legal documents including our durable power of attorney, Living Will and Advanced Directives and faxed them to the hospital with in minutes of my conversation with Mr. Frederick.

I never imaged as I paced that tiny waiting room that I would not see Lisa’s bright blue eyes again or hold her warm loving hands.

Feeling helpless as I continued to wait, I attempted sneak back into the trauma bay but all the doors had key codes preventing me from entering.  Sitting alone with our luggage our children and my thoughts, I watched numbly as other families were invited back to see their loved ones.

A little after 5pm, after waiting almost 2 hours and not even knowing what was wrong with Lisa, I finally called our family doctor back in Olympia that Sunday afternoon.  I reached Dr. Ball at her home and explained that I was told I was an anti gay city and state and didn’t know what was happening and begged her to call the hospital to find out something.  As I was talking to her, a doctor appeared and told me that Lisa, just 39 years old and healthy, had suffered a massive cerebral aneurysm.  He turned and left – not waiting to see if I had any questions.  It was Dr. Ball who explained to me what was occurred as I stood there in shock.

Around 6pm, 2 more doctors appeared and brought me into a quiet room and explained that the massive and fast bleed in Lisa’s brain gave her little chance to survive and if she did it would be in a persistive vegetative state.  Lisa had made me promise to her over and over in our 18 years together to never allow his to happen to her.  I let the surgeons know Lisa wishes, which were also spelled out in her living will.  I then pleaded with the 2 doctors to let me see Lisa and they said I could once she was “cleaned up”.  They left me and never spoke to me again.  I then had to face our children and as I was preparing to tell them about their “other mom” a

a female pastor saw me and asked if I wanted to pray – and I looked at as if she were her crazy – thinking “what the hell did she think I had been doing for nearly 3 hours” I immediately asked for a priest to do Lisa’s last Rites.  Not too much time later a priest appeared and escorted me back to the Trauma area – to where Lisa was lying, restrained to her gurney, with tubes, monitors, and IV’s everywhere.  I recited the litany of saints and watched over as Lisa’s Last Rites were performed and the priest escorted directly back to the waiting room. After performing the last rights, I knew I had to do the hardest thing I would be called upon as a mother and tell our children that other mom was going to heaven.

I brought our 3 wonderful children into the quiet room, alone because the priest and chaplain had also disappeared.  I told them that other mommy was dying and she would go to heaven but before she went, I wanted to donate her organs so she could help other people like she wanted.  I told them I would get them back to see their “other mom”.  I think our kids knew on some level what had been happening for the past 3.5 hours.  Katie curled up in the corner and began sucking her thumb and David just held my hand and Danielle stared numbly at the floor.

The real tragedy began at about 7pm that night as we continued to wait for someone to bring us back to be with Lisa.  I knew she was alone, with no active traumas in the trauma bays I would ask the clerk who repeatedly brushed me off and told me to go sit down.  Finally in desperation I showed her the kids birth certificates and showed them that Lisa was their mother.  I told her the kids needed to say goodbye before their mother died and I was told “no” they were too young.  I was dumbfounded and thought how old do you need to be to say goodbye to your dying mother who is 20 feet away.   In those ensuing hours Lisa lay at Ryder trauma center, not being actively worked on, in a curtained area restrained, alone and moving towards brain death.  And we were not there to hold her hand and tell her how much she was loved.

Jackson memorial and it’s staff that night in their inability or unwillingness to recognize us as a family, with legally adopted children FORCED Lisa to be alone in her last moments of life.  In those hours of waiting and trying to calm our children I felt like a failure than and still do today for not getting to be with Lisa or bring our children to her to hold her hand.

Finally around 11:30 that night – 8 hours after the kids and I arrived at Ryder, Lisa’s sister arrived from Jacksonville – driving straight to Miami when I called her 7 hours earlier.  When she arrived at Ryder trauma center – I brought her in like a trophy I admit this now – saying here is Lisa’s sister.  And the admitting clerk then said – oh Lisa Pond – we moved her an hour ago to the ICU.  As if the mistreatment we received as a family couldn’t get worst – they moved Lisa to another part of the hospital and keep us in wrong waiting room for over an hour.

This nurse at the ICU was reluctant to allow us to visit but Lisa’s sister was insistent and she was successful to get us in for a short amount of time along with the kids, by this time the restraints were off and Lisa was in a deep coma.

My partner, my soul mate, the love of my life died officially the next morning at 10:45am on February 19, 2007.  The doctors who pronounced her brain dead, never came to speak to me or answer my questions.

It was only after the individuals from LAORA became involved that I was validated as a spouse and partner.  They talked directly with me and allowed me to sign all documents and choose which organs and tissues to donate.  From Lisa’s death – 4 people’s lives were saved.  And I have to tell you we have been so fortunate to meet Jerry who received Lisa’s heart a I can say her heart is in the best of hands.

Today 2 yrs and 9 months ago after Lisa’ death that I am gaining perspective and with that insight has come anger and disbelieve for how we were treated by the social worker and staff at JMH.  Lisa and I had become foster parents for the state of WA at  just 22 and 23 years old.  We fostered 25 children and adopted 4 special needs children.  Lisa became the stay at home mom and threw herself in to the lives of our children from being on PTSA, teach their 1st communion classes to being our girls Girls Scout Leader for 8 years.  Often grief books say we canonize those that die, but I don’t need to Lisa was truly a Saint among us.

I so believe that any family – however they define themselves has the HUMAN right to be together at time of death.  Yet in our situation not only were we not validated but also we were shunned.  All because as Mr. Frederick made it very clear I was in an anti gay city/state.

The pain does not end there, more salt that JMH has rubbed into our family wounds was the day I returned back to WA for Lisa Memorial Mass, I received noticed that JMH filed a lien against her property since we were out of state residents – despite the fact our health plan paid for all her care until she became a organ donor, which was then covered by UNOS. JMH has never lifted that lien.  I cannot get a death certificate from the State of Florida.  I also filed a compliant specifically with JMH against mr. Frederick in March 07 which was lost until july 07 which to today has never been addressed or resolved.

So through my helplessness and my pleas for an apology fell on deaf ears at JMH for 6 month I turned to Lambda Legal.  Making that call was a life changing experience and through their wisdom they saw the injustice done to our family and proceeded to file the lawsuit against JMH seeking change so this situation would never happen to another family.

My hope for bringing the suit against JMH was to shed light on how our families are treated even with the proper paperwork.  And often we can be treated like second-class citizen.  I have tried since Lisa’s death to raise awareness that holding your loved one’s hand as they are dying in not a gay right or privilege for only some in our country but rather a basic human right for every family regardless of how they define.

In September this year our family was dealt a huge blow when Judge Jordan sided with the hospital and dismissed our lawsuit.  I however found some words of encouragement in Judge Jordan’s opinion when he wrote in his opinion:

“If the plaintiffs’ allegations are true, which I assume that they are when deciding the defendants’ 12(b)(6) motion to dismiss, the defendants’ lack of sensitivity and attention to Ms.Langbehn, Ms. Pond, and their children caused them needless distress during a time of vulnerability. The defendants’ failure to provide Ms. Langbehn and her children frequent updates on Ms. Pond’s status, to allow Ms. Langbehn and her children to visit Ms. Pond after emergency medical care ceased; to inform Ms. Langbehn that Ms. Pond had been transferred to the intensive care unit, and to provide Ms. Langbehn Ms. Pond’s medical records as she requested, exhibited a lack of compassion and was unbecoming of a renowned trauma center like Ryder. Unfortunately, no relief

is available for these failures based on the allegations plead in the amended complaint.”

So as I refocuse and move from a Plaintiff to an activitst I want you to remember my partner Lisa and our children were forever changed by JMH and it’s staff the night that Lisa was in their care.   Lisa died completely alone even with us 20 feet away, it was unhuman and demands change.  It is my duty to continue to speak out that this nevery happens to another family.  What they put our family through was wrong, insensitive and a defining moment for my family that can never be replaced or forgiven.  And the justice we sought through our country’s legal sytstem also family failed us, so the laws in the state and the nation must change.

Thank you

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nothing is by accident

November 17, 2009 — thelpkids

uneventful flights from 44 and rain to sunshine and 84

from dallas to miami sat with a latino women and her son chris – beautiful people

she has worked for the discovery channel for years working on programming and

how the root of our problems as a society and the way to correct is through educating the young

to be open minded, compassionate to start by loving the earth and build from there to loving ourselves

then loving each other

how right she is – conversation turned to me and why I was heading to miami

apparently I don’t look like a local with my turtleneck heading to 84 degree weather

told her briefly our family story – so sympathetic, couldn’t believe that happened in her community

it did almost 3 yrs ago now, as I fly back down to face the demons

inside and outside, i am almost ready to walk back in Ryder Trauma to see if my memory is as concrete as that night

maybe this time, nothing is by accident

 

just like what I told Katie when she came home from bball tryouts and she said she wasn’t going to stay on the team if she “only” made C team

Danielle’s head whipped around – what is wrong w/ C team – coming from the kid who is greatful for all her accomphlishments

to the one that has never had to work very hard for hers

Katie texted me as I landed – “mom I made the JV team”

See I said – you just needed to show you wanted it

she is now satisfied – even with me 3000 miles away

hopefully she will learn whether she made the C team or Jv

nothing happens by accident.

Posted in Family, randomness. Leave a Comment »

Heading South

November 6, 2009 — thelpkids

Dear members of the Committee for Fair Visitation at Jackson Memorial
Hospital,

Please join Lambda Legal and our partner organizations for this free event
for the Southern Florida LGBT community:

Take the Power
Strategies for Protecting Ourselves and Our Loved Ones
Special guest: Janice Langbehn, Lambda Legal client,
Langbehn v. Jackson Memorial Hospital
Thursday, November 19, 2009 – 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm
Unity on the Bay 411 NE 21st Street, Miami, Florida
(parking lot on NE 22nd Street)

Just a few weeks ago, the United States District Court for the Southern
District of Florida rejected Lambda Legal’s lawsuit filed against Jackson
Memorial Hospital on behalf of Janice Langbehn and her family. Janice and
the three children she and her partner, Lisa Pond, adopted were kept apart
from Lisa by hospital staff for nearly eight hours as Lisa’s condition
deteriorated and she died.

In response to Lambda Legal’s lawsuit, the Public Health Trust of the Miami
Dade County — the governing body of Jackson Memorial Hospital — filed a
motion to dismiss the case. In its decision, the court agreed with the
hospital’s argument that Jackson Memorial has no obligation to allow their
patients visitors in their trauma unit.

The court’s decision paints a tragic picture of how vulnerable lesbian,
gay, bisexual and transgender people and our families really are in times
of crisis. We have to take extra steps to protect our rights.

Let’s come together to make sure this never happens again. At this event
you will hear Janice’s story and:
find out about legal documents you can use to protect your rights
such as a Healthcare Proxy, Living Will and Shared Custody or
Guardianship Agreement;
hear about steps being taken improve polices and training at Jackson
Memorial Hospital; and
learn about the pending statewide domestic partner bill and what you
can do to help win fairness and equality for our families in Florida.
RSVPs preferred. Light refreshments will be served.
Please RSVP to phalpern@lambdalegal.org or 305-759-7350.

Co-sponsoring organizations:
Equality Florida
The Miami Workers’ Center
Pride Denter at Equality Park
Save Dade

Posted in G/L/B/T Issues and Info. Leave a Comment »

PODCAST

October 27, 2009 — thelpkids

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/glbttalkwithbarbanddonna

you can listen to it on the net or through itunes for free

download from here:

Posted in Family, G/L/B/T Issues and Info, Lisa. Leave a Comment »

lost but found

October 26, 2009 — thelpkids

I was asked by David’s fball coach to transfer some VHS stuff to DVD.. well my old dual deck wasn’t working so trying to figure this problem out – without buying any equip, I realized if I played the tapes on our flat screen and re-recorded it on my HDD camcorder- it worked.

then it got me to thinking- recently I had found the VCR tape our our Holy Union from 10/12/91 knowing the tape will degrade soon – I needed to do the same.  So I have and having to sit through a couple of taping sessions.. I dug out what I thought was the lost text of our holy union – but alas I found it.

Some of it stuck out – that it was then that Pastor Magill of Tacoma MCC – set the path for us both to be activist – in his remarks:

“I believe that others will look to both of you as role models.  They will learn, by watching you, how two women live together, love together, and worship God together.  Your life will be a witness of God’s unconditional love.  Let not the church, society, or an individual come between your love.  I urge you both NOT to pattern your lives after what others might expect, but after what you expect from one another.”

He went on two describe us from the prior 5 months of couples counseling:

“Lisa and Jan, you have described yourself in some ways as opposites.  Lisa as pastel – quiet and soft, flowers and teddy bears.  Jan as bold, plaid, flannel.  I remind you both that love is patient and kind.  Allow each other to express their individuality – to bring something new and unique into the relationship.  Be patient and king when you don’t always see eye to eye… In other ways you two are very similar – some goals and dreams, spiritual begins with a love for God and the church.  Remember that love never fails; it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things.  With this love, I trust that your relationship will never fail.  But now abide faith, hope, love these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

His words are so prophetic at this point in my life.  I hope to figure out how to post our Holy Union video.. so check back on this post. You will see my brother Gary with more hair than he has now, my oldest sister Marilyn who was sang “If” – personalized for us.  We pulled off this ceremony after I had only been working for the State for 3 weeks – had to take Leave w/out pay because I had worked long enough to take time off – and we had it planned for 5 months.  You will also see me in a skirt – one of the last occurrences – what I wouldn’t do for Lisa.  All on only $300 – most going to the rental of the Pt. Defiance Lodge in Tacoma.

Kelly Ziegler is my “best” man and Cyndi (Heap) Sams was Lisa’s.  Our favorite UPS professor Cathy Hale was there along with our good friends Sarah Kobernusz and Monte Gibbs.  Cyndi’s husband Eric Sams.  Our good friend Tracy Weeks who video recorded and took pictures.

And finally as I work to hopefully get the video up, we chose rings to wear.  Lisa’s – I designed myself going to a jeweler Larkin’s in Tacoma, behind her back and had it made with her favorite stone – amethest and 2 diamonds.  Lisa never took her ring off – it was taken off her paralyzed hand on the ship on that fateful day and I slipped it onto my right hand were it stays to this day.

We pledge:

I Janice Kay Langbehn, take you Lisa Marie Pond

to be my spouse,

And I promise

that in joy and sorrow

good times and bad

I will love and cherish you

throughout all the changes in our lives.

I place this ring on your finger as a sign of my everlasting love and commitment to you.

what an amazing Saturday that was and remains in my memory as one of the happiest days of my life.  It all came full circle as I had 1 Corinthians 13 read at Lisa Funeral and Memorial.  As well as “If” played during the video tributes.  After all the years, I look back on our $300 ceremony and likely there is not a thing we would have changed from the guests, to our best “persons”, to the songs (and of course the beautiful voice of my sister).  I hope you enjoy it..know that the noise and kids yelling in the background is from the ceremony being held at the Tacoma Park/Zoo.

peace

(the video may seem long but I broke it up into 5 min chunks.. so it would upload quicker)

Part One:

Part Two

Part Three – “If”

Part Four

Part Five

Posted in Family, Lisa, movies. Leave a Comment »

Rosie Radio

October 26, 2009 — thelpkids

Her Sirius show starts on Monday Nov 2

today on Howard Stern, she says she and Kel have split – they will remain a family, parenting the kids

but joked w/ howard about dating in maybe 6 months and her criteria for the new person

you read her blog and people say she is the pillar of “gay” marriage

truthfully no one is – any partnership gay or straight – it takes work

I don’t think they were any different.  I am sure Brad/Angelina or Ellen/ Portia – all work at their commitment

as did Lisa and I in ours – marriage – committed relationships are hard work – anyone who tells you otherwise is lying

As for Rosie/Kelli – I called it back in May that something was a miss – no Rosie on the July Cruise, the formation of Kelli and Gregg or Gregg and Kelli Company

But for me it’s none of my business – for the sake of them and their children – I hope they come out on the other end better than when they entered

I wrote a paper as a freshman in UPS so fall 86 – and remember commenting on what a voyeristic society I think we were becoming – well before the Paparazzi was sung about by Lady Gaga or that they were likely responsible for the death of Princess Diana – or that we want to know everything about Jon and Kate or Octomom or whether Oprah is gay.   I summized back in 86, that if we can stare and compare ourselves to others we can rationalize our place in society – that well we are doing better than so and so.  Or course you are – Life is a bell curve – we all move up and down each day.

I think if we, myself included, had to step back and look at ourselves- every moment of every day, our own behavior and answer to it all – what a daunting task for anyone no matter your status in life.

peace

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Weekend in Review

October 25, 2009 — thelpkids

nothing seems to go slowly or sometimes too slowly

nonetheless – the weekend is over

Katie had a soccer game on Saturday against a great team that beat them 5-2, the first time, they tied 2-2 the second and this time K’s team pulled out the victory 1-0

David was in the semi finals – he played hard, got some great tackles but they ended up losing 18-8.  He will go on to play for 3 or 4th in their age division next week.

Katie has her first orchestra concert monday – so today was spent trying to find her outfit – that was accomplished and then

we did power grocery shopping – or better called – mom can’t stand more than 30 minutes so lets do this – We play it like this – we get the list done before getting there, then we divide it in 4 parts.  everyone gets a cart and off we go.. then we all meet at the center of the store – make sure we have it all and head for checkout – anyone with more than 1 in a family is welcome to play – I suggest minimum age is 10 – and able to read or recognize brands is helpful

David and I treated ourselves to manilla clams tonight- yum.

now we head into the last week of football, last week of volleyball, last week of Danielle’s soccer – oh boy

Then we wake for the next wave to hit of David in Bball, Katie Bball and still select soccer, and D trying out for bball

this week is school conferences .. so will do that at the end of the week.

Tues, I am scheduled to do an hour long podcast and maybe some news on some activities I’ll be doing to continue in the fight for how we were treated at JMH

on we go

 

peace

Posted in Family. Leave a Comment »

What the “common” citizen can do

October 19, 2009 — thelpkids

I keep getting 10+ emails or blog replies a day of should the “ordinary” person do to change things.

Here are where I would suggest you put your your fingers to work on the keyboard or telephone.

1. the NASW – National Association of Social Workers – they are suppose to oversee the Code of Ethics for all social workers (and I am one) I can think of many tenets mr. Garnett Frederick broke beyond telling me I was in an anti-gay city and state.  our family NEVER saw him after the brief 5 min exchange.  When I ran traumas, I held the family’s hand, I would find them a quiet room, I helped them with the beginning stages of grieving. In other words – you treat them like you would want to be treated in crisis with care, dignity and respect.  The children and I got NONE of that.  So call NASW based in DC and get their ethics committee working on him.  Dr. Frederick has a PhD in SW – so he knows better.  Now the NASW may say there isn’t much they can do if he doesn’t pay dues – well then that needs to change – who is responsible for his behavior and adhering to the code we all pledged to uphold when we became social workers.

2. The Jt. Commission on Hospital Accreditation – They oversee all the item we listed in our lawsuit – that the judge agreed – were violated but they aren’t law – so the hospital needs to be investigated for how they handled our family.

3. The hospital itself – Jackson Memorial Hospital is apart of the University of Miami – large teaching hospital.  I filed an online complaint again Mr. Frederick about 2 weeks after Lisa’s death – and I have so many people who can step forward and confirm he said that to me.. it’s not something I came up with 2 weeks later – I said it within 1 minute  after he said to me to our close family friends when I was crying for them to get the documents faxed to the hospital of.  He continues to deny he said it.  The hospital lost my complaint for 4 months and to this day over 2.5yrs later they NEVER resolved my complaint!  They then never sent me Lisa’s medical records – When I finally did get them months later – they also gave them to her parents – who were not her surrogate and had no right to them (that is not an issue between my in-laws and me) but it’s a matter of courtesy that I couldn’t get her records, still can’t get her death certificate from the state of Florida that lists manner and cause – I have to go through the 1st funeral home where we did her Funeral Mass.  There was a huge breakdown at JMH – I filed the complaint, I told LAORA – (Life Alliance Organ Recovery Agency) about what Mr Frederick said to me – I told it to the nurse that took over the procument of Lisa’s organs – Maggie – LAORA was the ONLY agency that allowed me to sign one piece of paper allowing which organs Lisa would donate to save lives… the rest of lisa’s file is stamped – “unable to complete” – yet I was there at the exact same time as her ambulance – asking to fill out admission forms.

4. Contact the GLMA – Gay/Lesbian Medical Association – they have made our situation a priority and even started the facebook group “Committee for Fair Visitation at JMH”.

While my federal case has halted, I know I had the best legal minds on our side – Beth Littrell – from the amazing people of Lambda Legal and Don Hayden from Baker/McKenzie (he is based in Miami).  Please send them thank yous for their wisdom in taking our case.

Finally – I am trying to figure out how I go from plaintiff to activist… and if the laws in Florida don’t support me holding Lisa’s hand – except during the Last Rites which I asked for them to find me a priest – then something has to change.  The Laws must change – so I have my map up here at home of Florida State, and all their local reps/senators are listed.  And I will be writing to them on Feb 19th (lisa’s death date) and 10/08 (her birth date) every year – to remind them how inhumanly we were treated… the judge agreed – and I still have never received an apology.

Ok so you caught me in a fired up mood – I was just dubbing Lisa and my Holy union from 1991 from VHS to DVD so it’s not lost forever.  I will try to find the links for all the agencies and put a new header to the Left for “what you can do”.

Thank you all beyond words for your continued support.  I any of you have contacts in mainstream media outlets – send them my story – I believed if more people knew that Lisa was allowed to die allow – then I would hope this could never happen again.

peace always

look for the new links tomorrow – or google them now.  Thanks you all for your continuing support

Posted in G/L/B/T Issues and Info, Lisa. 4 Comments »
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